The Christmas Elf

Christmas was coming and I was in bed
Lying as stiff as a man that was dead.

Suddenly I heard it, it was coming from the roof;
The pitter and patter of a reindeer's hoof.

I ran to the window and looked at the sky,
And that's when I realized it was hailing outside.

"Hello," came a voice from my cabinet shelf.
I looked down inside it and saw a small elf.

I opened my mouth to yell in fright,
But no sound came out, try as I might.

Finally I exhaled the breath that I'd held
And asked him his name but he would not tell.

His face was cratered with pimples so big,
As I watched in amazement he danced a small jig.

Then he lifted a sack that was nine times his size,
His muscles bulged with the strength of 10 guys.

And setting it down by the Christmas tree bright
he pulled out three presents, then turned off the light.

He waddled away but I yelled, "HEY!"
Too late; he tripped on a cord in his way.

As he fell to the floor I heard him grunt
And say something about what he'd eaten for lunch.

I began to ask if he was okay
Then saw him get up and look my way.

On his face was a scowl and his fists were clenched.
He started to yell and call me a wrench.

"Who's down there," came a voice from the upstairs room.
Oh-no! My parents would be down here soon.

I grabbed the elf and ran to the door.
As I threw him out he gave a great roar!

"May your Christmas be horrible!" he yelled with a shout.
"And may worms and beetles crawl up your snout!"

"Who was that," said my dad as he made his way down.
"Be quiet," I said, "or you'll wake the whole town."

As I walked to my room to sleep for the night,
I realized just then it was almost light.

Looking out a window I coughed, then sniffed
For there on the lawn was the elf...frozen stiff!